


I Will Be There

by MsCoffeeBitch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friend Natasha Romanov, Blood and Gore, Caring Natasha Romanov, Dating, Death, F/M, Love, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Mentioned Violence affecting children, Minor Character Death, PTSD RECOVERY, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Vomiting, caring bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4295796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsCoffeeBitch/pseuds/MsCoffeeBitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lainey Barrett is a Navy Veteran and experienced field medic who eventually became the Avengers' personal medic. She helps Bucky Barnes recover from his time as the Winter Soldier, and Bucky helps Lainey deal with her own personal demons from her time in Afghanistan.</p>
<p>The title is taken from the song, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juzMD1GCAf8">I Will Be There by Odessa</a>.  My inspiration is actually from my own struggles with my PTSD issues as well as the combat experiences some of my dear friends have chosen to share with me. It's amazing how sometimes, the littlest things like the reassuring, physical presence of someone else there with you can be so helpful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to [Canadduh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/canadduh/pseuds/canadduh) for being my beta reader and editor.

As far as Bucky was concerned, Lainey Barrett may as well be a force of nature. After he had finally allowed Steve to bring him into the Avengers Tower to help recover his memory and reintegrate into society, she had been part of his medical team. For some reason, he was just drawn to her and was more comfortable around her than he had been with anyone since SHIELD had imploded. He didn’t really understand it, and he honestly wasn’t too worried about over analyzing it either.

Bucky had spent a few months roaming the world as the Winter Soldier, destroying any Hydra bases he could remember as well as waiting for bits and pieces of his memory to resurface. He couldn’t even remember his own name for a long time, let alone figure out why Captain America was stalking him all over the damn planet. During that puzzling time, he thought almost exclusively in terms of Зима Солдат*, with missions and parameters. It took the return of many memory fragments before he trusted the Captain enough to talk to, but once he did, memories started flooding back in larger and larger chunks. It wasn’t long after that that he finally decided Steve Rogers was safe to trust and that his recovery may be helped by the people Steve trusted so much.

\-----

Lainey Barrett was one of the people who joined the team of therapists, doctors and nurses helping with James Barnes’ recovery once Stark had had an outside evaluation conducted and trusted the Winter Soldier enough to allow him into the tower. She wasn’t actually any kind of doctor or nurse. Her background was that of a military field medic. Lainey was a Navy Hospital Corpsman with two tours in Afghanistan at a Nato medical base under her belt when SHIELD had recruited her. She’d had a few months of “reintegration” into civilian life after six in the Navy when she was approached by Agent Coulson. He’d seen something in her, a certain strength and unflappability necessary to be one of SHIELD’s field medics. It took some time to persuade her, but with the pay and benefits package she was being offered, she’d have been stupid to say no to the man.

After her admirable adaptation to the whole gods and aliens totally exist and may fuck the planet up a little, mess called the Battle of New York, Director Fury himself had approached her offering a promotion: the Avengers’ own personal field medic. She had been on the helicarrier before the battle, so the dysfunctional family dynamic the team had charmed her enough she jumped at the chance. When Rogers and Romanoff had exposed Hydra and imploded SHIELD, Tony Stark showed up at her doorstep begging her to make the move into the private sector and Stark Industries with the rest of the Avengers team. Lainey agreed without hesitation, because the Avengers were _her_ team and _her_ family. Her instincts and military background instilled at least few habits in her that would die hard. You could fucking well bet she wasn’t going to leave them in unfamiliar hands in the wake of such a catastrophe.

About six months after the helicarriers had come down, Cap had finally come in from his adventures chasing down the Soviet assassin who was his best friend. One of the things none of them had expected, was that he brought Barnes with him. Tony had the poor man evaluated and deemed him safe enough to be allowed into the tower so long as he showed for daily medical and therapy sessions. Lainey had been brought in on his initial health screening.

During her time in Afghanistan, she had dealt with traumatized POWs, so the doctors had brought her in to help them out. She was careful with the scruffy, mysterious man just the same as she was with all patients in similar conditions. She spoke with him in a calm, even tone and explained every minute part of anything she was going to do as well as asking permission to touch him, administer injections, or treat wounds. It was because of these considerations James had soon grown attached to her. He would insist that she be there with him for any medical procedures or evaluations and any time Tony looked over his cybernetic arm for cleaning, repairs, or updates. It wasn’t a lack of trust toward everyone else, it was just that after his decades as Hydra’s puppet, situations like that were triggering and terrifying for him. Lainey’s calm demeanor, touch, and simple explanations of everything as well as her asking his consent before anything happened reassured him that nothing like that would happen again. There was also something under her surface that intrigued him deeply and made him want to get to know her better.


	2. Friendships and Budding Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lainey and Bucky accidentally start a weekly Avengers movie marathon, and the two start getting closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does start getting into some of the heavier material and hinting towards some of those PTSD themes going on in this story. There are some references to self medication with prescribed meds and alcohol. They are brief though, so if that could be a trigger for you, I will leave that at your discretion.

“Lainey, um, I know I missed out on a lot while I was Актив*, and I was wondering if maybe you might wanna watch some movies that Steve suggested might be good?” Bucky hesitantly asked one day. “I mean… You don’t have to… If you don’t wanna, but yeah.”

She smiled brightly at him, “I could definitely do a movie marathon with you this weekend. We can take over the TV in the common room and I can bring some of my favorite snacks.” The curvy but slender woman with teal colored hair was actually seriously impressed with his progress. In the past, he’d been so wrapped up in trying to recover and make sense of his fragmented memories that catching up on the last 70 years just seemed overwhelming to him.

He handed her a little scrap of paper with a small list of movies scribbled on it, “He says these ones might be good, but if you think any of them might set me off or anything, we can skip ‘em. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything,” he shrugged and retreated back into the fuzzy safety of his oversized hoodie.

“I’ll look it all over and we can maybe talk about which ones to watch when I see you for your appointment with Tony tomorrow, okay, hun?” she smiled gently as he nodded eagerly. He swiftly headed for his quarters in the tower. He liked to spend most of his spare time there keeping his own company or sometimes Steve’s between his times on missions or press junkets as Captain America. She definitely understood the compulsion. It had taken her a good bit of time after Afghanistan before she could spend time around too many people without any Xanax or a drink in her system. Even though she was a medic, there was still a lot of stigma around PTSD. Admitting that you might have problems with the flashbacks, anger, and resentment that built up in your soul when you came back to “the real world” after combat experiences was hard. She had actually been working at SHIELD for well over a year before it all came bubbling up and she’d sought help and treatment for all her symptoms. She had nearly had a nervous breakdown because of all the things she was trying to keep inside. That was actually, probably the reason why she’d been so great with Bucky and helping with his treatment, not that she would admit it if she didn’t have to.

Just as they had planned, that weekend the pair of them had taken over the common room TV to have their little movie marathon. A few of the Avengers who weren’t on missions or who didn’t have other outside plans had joined them for some of the movies. For the most part, though it was just Bucky and Lainey, each one monopolizing their own sofa, sprawling out with snacks and drinks. At the end of the day, the decided it was a good day and with their list of suggestions from those who had joined or wandered past, they figured they may as well just plan to have another movie marathon the following weekend.

The next weekend, they convened just as planned for another marathon. They didn’t get to monopolize their own sofas, though. Enough of their friend group had heard about the previous weekend and asked about the movie line-up that the whole damn crew showed up. Lainey was careful to set up a few ground rules once everyone had arrived, though. No spoilers. Bruce doesn’t like spoilers and anyone who gave anything away was subject to Natasha’s revenge. No talking over or providing loud commentary unless Bucky or Steve asked, and if possible keep it to whomever had asked. No fighting over snacks, there are more than enough to go around. Potty and stretch breaks would happen every hour, and meal breaks would happen every 4-6 hours whether they were necessary or not. With that out of the way, Bucky’s 2nd Weekly Movie-thon commenced. It was obviously a roaring success both as cultural education and as a team building exercise, so they immediately started planning to make it A Thing every weekend. They didn’t go in any particular order as far as year of release, but they did try to be careful about alternating heavier movies with lighter, more comedic ones like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or The Breakfast Club. At some point, they started mixing in TV shows, music videos, and even really weird Super Bowl commercials or just funny YouTube videos.

Over the months of collaborating with Bucky on the Weekly Media-thons, the two of them started to develop a great rapport and friendship. The recovering assassin started feeling more like himself and began forming a goofy set of inside jokes with the spunky medic. Sometimes, she thought to herself, he may even be more media savvy and well adjusted to the modern era than Steve. Somewhere around the nine month mark after his arrival at the tower, Bucky had gotten his courage up enough to ask Lainey on a real date. She was a red-blooded woman who knew she was looking at one of the most attractive people on the planet, and had immediately agreed. Another month of dating and being on the front page of some tabloid or other kissing led to the pair finally making things official.

After a several more months of dating, media-thons, and Bucky becoming comfortable with the new values and mores of the 21st century, he asked Lainey to move in with him. It took him a full month to work up the courage, weighing out all the benefits of living with his beautiful, firebrand of woman versus the possible consequences, especially if his PTSD and nightmares flared up. He could seriously hurt her, but after a few test sleepovers he realized she had a very keen understanding of what the issues could be. She had her own issues to contend with. There was also always a guest room available if one of them just didn’t feel safe sleeping in the same room one night. With that, and quite a bit of assurance from his psychologist and Sam Wilson, he timidly asked during a rather romantic dinner if she would consider it. She was a very sensible woman, and decided that they should work up to it, with her staying over for increasing lengths of time. Once they were both comfortable staying together for two weeks straight, she agreed that moving in together would be fine. The whole Avengers team was thrilled to bits. They all helped with the move in process, threw a low-key housewarming party, and imparted various gems of wisdom regarding cohabitation on the couple.

Lainey and Bucky eventually settled into a nice routine of daily life together. It wasn’t without it’s ups and downs, be they issues with Bucky’s recovery or just normal couple quibbles about where the dirty laundry goes, but it was comfortable. Once their routine was fairly well established, time fairly flew past and soon enough it was the year anniversary of Bucky’s arrival at the tower. Lainey threw a little team dinner with a cake and Bucky as the guest of honor. A month later it would be the Fourth of July: America’s Independence Day and Captain America’s birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Актив (ak-teev) - The Asset


	3. Party Time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets way too excited about Cap's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally starting to get more story shaped here! Hooray!

With two weeks before the major holiday and Cap’s birthday, Tony was getting antsy to celebrate and driving nearly the whole tower up the wall with his schemes. It was to the point where Jane Foster’s assistant Darcy had threatened to tase him if he didn’t leave them alone. Apparently, since she was dating Steve’s best friend, Tony thought she may have some additional ideas and today was her day to try not to kill the oversized toddler. “Hey! Lainey. LAINEY!” the incorrigible billionaire hollered after her one day.

Lainey turned to him with a roll of her brown eyes, “What the hell do you want, Stark? I’ve got shit to do. I’m going out on this milkrun of a mission with Tasha and Clint,” she stated putting a hand on her cocked out hip.

“Oh!” he finally, actually looked at her and realized that she was suited up in her tactical suit with weapons, and was carrying the duffel bag filled with her MedKit. “I didn’t realize that you guys were going out. Anyways, I’m thinking about throwing the Capsicle a surprise party for his birthday. I mean yeah, it’s the holiday, but how often do I get the chance to rub in the fact he’s a zillion years old?”

He’d taken too long, and she was already halfway down the corridor and not listening as she stepped into the elevator, “Sure, Tony, whatever you want. I’m sure it’ll be great.” With that, she was gone and he was left alone with his schemes.

Taking her distracted reply as an affirmative, embarked on his own super secret surprise party mission. Nothing could possibly go wrong, well except that Tony’s basically an overgrown teenager with entirely too much time and money on his hands. He was already colluding with JARVIS over the cake, booze, catering, music,and fireworks. JARVIS had assured him multiple times that the captain would probably be more than happy with a small get together and the fact Tony had even remembered his birthday. All this just went right past the enthusiastic man-child, because he was gonna throw the best damn birthday party ever. He even had J making the calls to the necessary companies, and emailing out invites to people the AI thought might be best suited for the guest list. Stark would definitely keep the guest list small, only a hundred or so people and everything would a little more down to earth and casual than his usual soirees.

The mission with Natasha and Clint and been successful. If anything, Black Widow and Hawkeye were actually overqualified for such a simple information retrieval, but Hydra had been lying low for a good while and they just needed to get out of the tower for a little while to stay sharp. Lainey’s MedKit hadn’t even been necessary. She and Natasha spent most of the day out gossiping while the three of them had consumed copious amounts of coffee; all of Stark’s schemes had gone straight out of Lainey’s mind as soon as she and Tasha had gotten to talking about what gifts everyone was getting Steve. The Master Spy had agreed to help Lainey with shopping and they just hadn’t had a chance to chat about it since the most recent Movie Day. Tasha was a fantastic person to consult with on gifts because she read people like a book, was more than capable of figuring out what the others had decided on or purchased, and advising appropriately so there wasn’t anything too far amiss. Tony wasn’t really the best at actually going through with half his plans anyway, so it was probably just going to be some last minute, obscenely expensive monstrosity of a gift like the gigantic plush bunny he had once bought Pepper. They had no idea what they were in for.

\-----

The day after the mission was Lainey’s day to sleep in, unfortunately that due to Tony’s enthusiasm, that wasn’t gonna happen. She was roused by the ping of her phone indicating she’d received an email. With a groan, she retrieved her StarkPhone praying that it wasn’t another mission and that she could sleep in, only to be startled by the email blaring The Star-Spangled Banner the second she opened it. “God-fucking-dammit Stark! I am gonna strangle your punk ass next time I see you! JARVIS, please tell him I said that, too.”

“Of course Ms. Barrett,” the AI replied in an amused tone. A moment later, he stated, “Sir says that as you are a medic you aren’t supposed to cause harm to your charges and inquired as to whether you shall be attending his event for the Captain’s birthday.”

Lainey threw her phone across the room at her laundry bin and flopped back onto her pillow, “Ugh! Yeah, sure, tell him I’ll be there. Just make sure you give me a heads up, okay J?” She snuggled back into her nest of blankets once more so she could try to attempt to go back to sleep after JARVIS’ acknowledgement of her request. There was about another hour of tossing and turning before the curvy veteran gave up on sleeping in and rolled out of bed and wandered to the kitchen of the apartment to make a very strong pot of coffee and some toast.  
Once the smell of coffee had filled the entire apartment, a bleary eyed and boxer clad Bucky emerged from his own bedroom with a yawn and made a beeline to the carafe. “Heya sugar! I thought you were sleeping in today.”

“Yeah,” she snorted derisively, “I was, but then Tony got all over enthusiastic about throwing a party for the holiday and Steve’s birthday in two weeks. His damn invitation email scared the everloving shit out of me. I told J to let Tony know we’d be there.”

After a big sip of his cup of coffee, Bucky finally replied, “Oh. Good. I thought I heard something earlier. You guys must have come in late last night. You never came into our bed last night.”

As she wandered over for a refill of coffee and to load her plate into the dishwasher, Lainey shook her head, “We did come in a little late. Nata and I ended up gossiping for a while in the common room and winding down. Also, when I opened the door to come in, you got really startled but were still asleep. I figured it would be best to head in and sleep in the other room. I hate when I have one of those nights and end up accidentally hitting you because I was startled.” Bucky simply nodded as he crossed the kitchen to wrap his arms around his best gal and planted a kiss on top of her head.

\-----

The Fourth of July arrived much sooner than anyone figure it would. Tony had loudly reminded everyone as often as possible that he was throwing the best shindig ever and that attendance was mandatory. “Tony, you cannot force anyone to come to the party or threaten to fire them for not coming,” was frequently heard from the long suffering Pepper as she attempted to rein the man in. It didn’t really stop his enthusiasm any, but it did assuage a few other people's’ consciences. Everyone did eventually end up RSVPing affirmatively eventually. Natasha had held out the longest, but she secretly informed Lainey that she was doing so just to make Tony sweat a little bit.

The festivities commenced on an outside deck of Avengers Tower at 5PM. There were about 150 people there of the 250 who had been invited and Tony had, of course, secured one of the best chefs in the whole region to do a BBQ. There was grilled chicken, barbeque ribs, and steaks aplenty in addition to some of the more traditional sides such as potato salad, corn on the cob, and fresh mixed berries. Prior to dinner, everyone milled around rubbing elbows, enjoying red, white, and/or blue cocktails and socializing until Tony finally located a microphone. “Hey everybody! Just a few things here: first of all, happy fuckin’ Fourth! Yay America! Secondly and more importantly, Happy Birthday to the Avengers’ own Capsicle: Steve Rogers! Where are you buddy? Oh he’s over there. Give the man a hand! Take a bow! Alright alright settle down. Finally, and this is the most important part of the evening, dinner is served! Get some damn food and eat up!” Eat they did. They all ate until they were bursting at the seams. Once there was good long lull in the line up at the BBQ, Tony took the floor again announcing that it was time to sing happy birthday. He made Natasha force Cap up to the stage next to himself where a giant cake with probably 300 candles on it was waiting while everyone sang.

Cap was actually able to blow out almost all the candles on one side of the cake with his super soldier lungs. Lainey laughed as Tony handed Tasha several bills, and leaned over to tell Bucky, “He should really know not to bet against her by now. I guess he just likes giving his money away.”

Bucky slung his metal arm around her, pulling her close and planting a kiss on her cheek before replying, “I’m pretty sure he does. It wouldn’t surprise me if next Christmas he just puts a few grand cash in all our stockings plus whatever gifts he gives us. Shit, the damn going away gifts for the evening are probably worth a good coupla hundred bucks each.” Lainey just shook her head at her scruffy boyfriend before stealing a few kisses of her own and then swatting him up to snag them each a piece (or two or three) of cake.

“Jesus Christ, Bucky! How many fuckin’ pieces of cake do you need?” she asked incredulously when he finally made his way back to their table, which was tucked away in a corner where Bucky could observe everyone and everything.

“Hey! I have a really fast metabolism. You know that babe,” he replied defensively as he pasted on an exaggerated pout.

“Sure, maybe like 3 pieces of cake worth of fast. Definitely not…. Is that 5 pieces of cake on your plate?”

He looked at her innocently, “Maybe…. I mean, one for America’s birthday, one for Stevie’s birthday, and a few for the ghost of birthdays past.”

Lainey rubbed a hand across her face with an exasperated expression before finally looking over at her man, “Okay, so the first two make sense, but this sure ain’t A Christmas Carol with the ghost of Christmas Past.”

“Awww, come on babydoll,” Bucky continued pouting. He looked at her with his big blue-grey eyes just as Steve arrived back at the table with his own small continent worth of cake. “See! Look, Steve got a lot of cake too.” Lainey gave up with a sigh and dug into her own piece of cake as Steve looked between the pair of them somewhat confused.

A short while later, Tasha and Clint strolled over and pulled up chairs at what was swiftly becoming the unofficial Avengers table. “Hey guys!” Clint greeted cheerily, “Whoa, Lainey, you let these two have an awful lotta cake!”

“Yup. I _sure_ did Hawk,” she replied in the most sarcastic tone she could muster.

“See Clint,” Natasha cut the sharpshooter off, “Lainey didn’t _let_ them have a lot of cake, they just got a whole bunch and she couldn’t put up much of an argument. The only reason you gave in to my argument against you having a bunch is because I can kill you in your sleep and no one would ever know.”

“Tasha, I need you to teach me more of your ways,” Lainey hugged the voluptuous redhead before adding, “I guess I’m just not scary enough for these two.”

“Sure! Anytime,” the assassin said, “Anyways, we came over to wish Steve a happy birthday and invite you to the after party at our place. We’ve got our gifts for him there and we figure Bucky will be a little bit more at ease in a smaller gathering later on.”

Bucky spoke around a huge mouthful of sugar, “Thanks guys! We’d love to come. I’ve been meaning to talk to Clint about having a shooting match sometime anyways, plus you always have the best vodka, Nata.”

The group all kept chatting about various past missions, new weapons coming out, future competitions and bets and enjoyed a few more drinks over the next hour. During all this, the sun set, filling the sky with fiery reds, oranges and golds. Once it had sunk almost fully beneath the western horizon leaving the sky a twilit, deep violet, Tony took to the stage once more, this time cutting off the DJ who had been there since just after the cake had come out. “Ladies, gentlemen, and assassins of various stripes, we have finally gotten around to the main event of the evening! Your invitations all mentioned an extra special surprise after dinner and dessert, and the time has now arrived for the unveiling of the best firework show that New York has ever seen!” With this announcement, there were multiple pops signifying that several fireworks had been launched off the helicopter/Iron Man pad many stories above the crowd. Soon the air was awash with the beautiful, multicolored sparks of a very impressive fireworks show.

“Lainey! This is… Hey, guys? Did any of you see where Lainey went? She was just here a minute ago,” Bucky questioned the table anxiously.

Nat quickly scanned the crowd, “I don’t see her out here. She just stood up a minute or so ago, she must have just stepped inside.”

Bucky quickly stood up, “She usually says something if she’s just stepping out for a second. I’m gonna see if she’s okay.” With this, he rushed inside after her. He knew she had her own PTSD issues from her time in Afghanistan, but there wasn’t usually any kind of severe problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nata is a foreshortened familiar version of Natalia. Natasha is just another more Anglicized sounding familiar version of the same. With Bucky's (unwilling) familiarity with Russian and perhaps even the Red Room, it's definitely believable he may use this and Lainey could have picked it up from him.


	4. Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely a shorter chapter, but it deals with some pretty heavy stuff. We see the fallout of the ongoing fireworks display. We will also see how Bucky and some of the rest of the team are there to support each other. A pretty good chunk of this chapter will be in Lainey's head and her past. **_I am putting out trigger warning now. These are very serious. TWs for Blood, Gore, Graphic Descriptions of Medical Procedures, and shit that goes down in ERs and combat zones._**
> 
> Everything in italics in this chapter is part of a flashback. I tried to write to imply just how sudden and jarring they can be as well as just how clearly it can all run through your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****  
>    
>  _SERIOUSLY. I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THOSE TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE._   
> 

The second she’d heard the detonation of the first few fireworks in the air, even though she absolutely, rationally knew it was just fireworks, the bile had rosen in Lainey’s throat. She stood and swiftly walked for the doors as the flashbacks came too. As soon as she was clear of areas where guests were allowed, she’d broken into a run for the stairs toward her apartment.

_She jolted immediately awake as her pager shrilled it’s alarm at her. Grabbing the noisy device, she read that there were multiple severe casualties inbound ETA 5 minutes. The follow-up page advised that there were 3 amputees, 1 of whom was a double amp, and one with severe torso trauma all from an IED. All hands were going to be needed on deck. At the same time she opened the door to her small barracks room, the air raid sirens began blaring. Not a good fucking time. “Dammit!” she cursed aloud as she ducked out the door against protocol._

_The docs in the med-bays were stunned when she ran in despite the sirens blaring and mortars detonating, brown hair flying unsecured behind her. She quickly secured her hair in a bun as she started scrubbing down and putting on all her protective equipment as her favorite doc chastised her, “Jesus Christ, Barrett! You are one crazy fuck. Don’t you ever do that again! Even if we need you on deck, you can't just ignore the damned sirens!”_

_“Sorry doc! I figured the sorry bastards coming in were gonna need me and if I got blown up before I got here, hopefully it was a direct hit.” Soon the patients all rolled in on transports. They were all transferred into med-bays occupied by doctors, nurses and corpsmen immediately upon arrival. The amps all went to other bays leaving Lainey and her doc with the chest trauma. As soon as the local woman was on the table, Lainey had IVs for fluids and blood laid into her less damaged arm. They wouldn’t even bother with the smaller wounds until the chest damage was treated and she was stabilised. Doc was calmly working and calling out orders as they opened the woman’s chest to suture close what was most likely damage to one of the pulmonary arteries._

_“Oh shit!” Lainey yelled as soon as they got the area clear for visual inspection. At the same time, a spray of blood splashed across everyone’s face shields before she could use her gloved finger to close the hole in their patient’s heart._

Lainey could smell the blood on herself as she opened the door to hers and Bucky’s apartment. “Ooooh! fuckfuckfuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. It’s okay baby, it’s okay, it’s not real. It’s not real anymore. You are in New York,” she sobbed as she tried to reassure herself as she ran for the medicine cabinet, only stopping to vomit once she entered the master bathroom. Guilt and panic coursed through her veins as her heart raced at a million miles per hour. They hadn’t been able to save the woman. They saved her daughter though. They learned later that she had thrown herself over her child to protect her from the explosion. Her sacrifice had saved her baby and that was the truest love.

_“Male on deck!” followed by a knock at her door had roused her from her television show. She made herself decent quickly, wondering what was up. It wasn’t any kind of medical issue, she wasn’t on watch and they hadn’t paged requesting extra hands. She opened the door to see a grubby looking Marine. The young man was obviously fresh off a patrol and hadn’t even been able to hygiene yet from the dust and flecks of blood coating his face and uniform. “HM2 Barrett?” he questioned._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I need you to come to the rec area with me please.”_

_“Sure,” she replied somewhat baffled as to why this kid was at her door. “Just let me put some shoes on.” As soon as she was ready, she had followed him toward the smoke pit just in the barracks courtyard._

_“HM2… Lainey, let’s have a seat,” the young corporal had directed her. She sat patiently as he lit up a Marlboro Black with shaking hands. “Doc, the reason why I’m here is because…”_

_“Because what? You’re in Sergeant Jones’ unit, right? You can talk to me, he’s one of my best friends,” she reassured the corporal._

_“That’s actually why I’m here, Doc,” he stated as his voice broke, “It’s the sarge… he… he’s dead. We were on a routine patrol around the Army and Marine encampment a few klicks out and… there was a fucking IED. We hit a fucking IED and a fucking big chunk of shrapnel hit Sarge. There wasn’t anything we could do. Our doc tried his best, but he was already gone.” He finally choked it all out and started sobbing uncontrollably._

_Lainey was in shock. She took his cigarette and hugged the poor kid to her, rubbing his back and smoking as tears rolled freely down her face. She had stayed there with him as they mourned together through almost her entire pack of cigarettes after she'd finished the one she took from him._

“Goddammit!” She screamed. Lainey was almost feral as she tore apart the bathroom and then the bedroom with tears streaking her pale skin, searching for her Xanax. “God-fucking-dammit all to hell! Where the fuck is it?” Oh! Finally! She found the prescription bottle. Her hands were shaking too hard to be of any use when Bucky came running into the room. He gently took the bottle from her, shaking out a pill, which she swallowed dry before curling into a tight ball on the floor.

“Hey doll. Hey, its okay. Let it all out,” he soothed as he reached over to rub her back the way he knew always calmed her down. “Is it okay if I move you?” A choked and muffled yes was barely audible as he gently drew her into his arms. He lifted her easily to carry bridal-style to the bed, where he wrapped her in her favorite quilt and handed off a plush bat she took everywhere with her. Tasha and Clint’s worried faces poked around the corner, having heard the commotion and he waved them off as he wrapped himself around her.

It was nearly an hour before he heard her pulse finally slow to a normal range, and another hour after that before she was able to uncurl. “Thank you,” was all she quietly whispered before she untangled herself from him and wandered to the bathroom for a moment. He padded softly after, making sure she was gonna stay mostly okay before heading to the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

He found a pair of assassins signing back and forth to each other on the couch. “Hey guys,” he croaked as he softly smiled, “I thought you guys were having some kind of after party. What happened to that?”

Clint smiled crookedly at him as Tasha replied for them, “We figured Lainey was a lot more important than some dumb party. Is she doing okay?”

Bucky nodded as he filled a glass of water for his gal, “I think so. She hasn’t had issues this bad in a while. I think it was the fireworks, but she’s calm and stable now. I’m gonna take her this and see if she wants to maybe watch a Disney movie with you guys.” With that, he headed back into their bedroom. Lainey was just stepping out of the bathroom and gave him a tight hug after she’d downed a few gulps of water.

She peered up at him with swollen, red eyes, “I heard you talking to Clint and Tasha out there. It was the fireworks. I hadn’t really dealt with them at all since I got out, but I’m not really ready to talk just yet. Your movie idea sounds perfect, and I think we should just make it a pajama party for the 4 of us. They can crash in the guest room tonight if they want.”


	5. Kitchen Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lainey has nightmares and coping mechanisms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this one took so long! I got some wicked writer's block on this story after I went back to work. It was really only resolved by my own PTSD acting up as well as advanced scheming for Thanksgiving. Don't judge me for scheming about Thanksgiving in August. I just really like cooking and have to beta recipes beforehand so I can improve or eliminate them.

Lainey awoke from a nightmare panicking and covered in sweat that chilled her to the bone. She lay on her pillow, bunched into the blankets trying to calm her heart rate and banish visions of Afghanistan. By the time she was calm enough to check her phone, it was 05:45. Sure it was Saturday and she could sleep in, but there was no damn point. The heat of the desert, the feel of sweat, blood, and dust encrusted encrusted uniforms and the sounds of screams doing their best to drown out gunfire were still far too fresh in her mind to even try.

She rolled out of bed with a huff before sliding into a sports bra, an ancient uniform t shirt, and her well worn PT sweats. Once clad in pajamas, she slid her feet into flip flops and headed for the stairs to the common floor’s kitchen to start putting together an Avengers sized family breakfast. Most of the group wouldn’t be hungry for at least another few hours even if they were already awake. That just meant she had time to play with the awesome Kitchen Aid mixer* she and Natasha had intimidated Tony into buying. Everyone else was very surprised that Natasha was so into baking the first few times they’d collaborated on a family breakfast, but she found it to be very relaxing. They would definitely be thrilled about the caramel pecan cinnamon rolls, she was gonna make for breakfast, though!

When she entered the common floor, Lainey was rather surprised to find Darcy Lewis already in the kitchen starting a pot of coffee. “Hey Lainey!” the buxom brunette chirped, “Take it you couldn’t sleep?”

Lainey settled for a shake of her head until she got some coffee into her system. After her first sip, she finally responded, “Nah. Nightmares. Figured I would roll down here and make family breakfast. You?”

“Same dude. You want a sous chef? I’ve got some wicked kitchen skills from science wrangling.”

Lainey arched an eyebrow and took another long pull from her coffee cup as she considered. “Yeah, I could use a hand. I will even share my Auntie’s super secret caramel pecan cinnamon roll recipe with you, but if this ends up on your food blog, I will have to kill you.”

Darcy shot her an incorrigible grin as she shot back, “Shit! I didn’t know anyone in the tower followed that.”

The pair of women continued to joke and snark back and forth as they set about baking and downing another two pots of coffee. Together, they ended up making three commercial sized jellyroll pans the pecan cinnamon rolls with caramel icing, five dozen eggs, five pounds of bacon, and three gallons of fresh squeezed orange mango juice in addition sliced fruit and berries they would set out with yogurt.

Ten minutes before the pans of cinnamon rolls were to come out of the oven and just before she started scrambling all the eggs, Lainey had JARVIS notify everyone that they were all expected at family breakfast in half an hour. Tony and Jane had been holed up in labs all night, so they tried to argue with Darcy, but the fierce little woman ended up staging a lab evacuation and having J lock the two out of their labs until Monday at start of business. As ever, Lainey was seriously impressed with the science wrangling, especially when Darcey confided she had only been planning on a 4 hour lockout before the pair had tried arguing.

Steve was the first of the Avengers and their significant others to show up, and ended up being voluntold to use his super muscles to move the large trays of food out to the gigantic family table Tony had ordered for the common area. He claimed it was only for holiday meals, but had instituted once monthly family dinners for team morale and cohesion. “You know, Darce, for someone who is such a giant asshole, Tony sure is a giant softie,” Lainey quipped as soon as she could see it was a bleary eyed Stark coming out of the elevator.

Darcy barked out a laugh, “Lainey, you know the man shows love with sarcasm, money and being clingy as fuck.”

Pepper’s presence behind Tony was announced with a laugh as he flipped them off with a scoff, “Hey! I resemble that comment. Doc, Lewis, what’s with the spread? Family Meal isn’t for another two weeks, or is it an apology for you and Terminator missing my totally awesome fireworks show for Capsicle’s birthday?”

The sassy teal haired medic was pretty sure that if she rolled her eyes at him any harder, she was gonna see her brain. She shot him the most scathingly sarcastic look she could muster and cheerily shot back, “Well of course it is ya giant tin can! I’m sooo sorry your giant, obscene, fireworks extravanganza might possibly be triggering for people who have PTSD! I was a little bit too busy praying to the porcelain god and downing Xanax to appreciate it.”

“Sure you were Doc. You’re way too much of a BAMF for that,” Tony shot back, wincing as she rapped his knuckles with her egg spatula as he tried to steal bacon before everyone showed up. “It’s okay. You really can tell us if Terminator is scared of a few fireworks.”

“Yup. He was totally terrified. Now either make yourself useful making a giant pot of coffee, or get your ass outta my kitchen and go sit at that obscenely huge table.” She turned back to the eggs, listening to him grumble before adding, “Stark, if you touch that bacon, I will whack you again. It’s called family breakfast for a damn reason. You wait for the whole family or I will let Darcy extend your lab lockout for another day. Now go make coffee!”

The billionaire acquiesced, scurrying quickly away with a piece of bacon stuffed in his mouth before Lainey’s spatula come his way again. While he was making several pots of coffee for everyone, he yelled at JARVIS to inform everyone that if they weren’t in the kitchen in one minute, they were going to have fire drills every day for a week. Surprisingly enough, this made everyone not already there materialize rather quickly.

As soon as Lainey was done cooking the eggs and Darcy had finished icing the cinnamon rolls and adding a pecan to the top of each one as garnish, they and Steve walked everything not already in place to the table. “Alright folks! Breakfast is served. Get your butts over here and grab a seat,” Lainey instructed as she set down the eggs and situated herself in the chair between Bucky and Natasha. Everyone not already seated quickly remedied that and started digging into the meal she and Darcy had put out with both gusto and enthusiastic noises.

As Natasha drizzled some yogurt over the berries she had helped herself to, she quietly asks, “I take it you ended up having nightmares last night?”

“Yeah. How’d you guess?” Lainey replied with equal softness.

“Family breakfast. Cinnamon rolls aren’t a quick recipe when you make them from scratch and even with Darcy’s help, this looks like about 3 hours worth of work.”

“Yeah. It was. I figured I wasn’t gonna be able to sleep again, so I might as well do something useful with the anxious energy. Darce was up for the same reason, though, so we kinda did some bonding over that while we were baking. That was pretty nice.”

“Ah. Well, that’s good. You should still probably talk to James about it later. He loves you a lot; it’s rather sweet.”

“He really does. I was figuring I would. We ended up sleeping separately last night, but I always do better when we bunk together after stuff like this until my brain evens out some.”

“Good,” the redhead replied before more loudly adding, “The cinnamon rolls are excellent. Did you really share your Auntie’s recipe with Darcy? You know she's the one who runs the recipe blog we both follow.”

“Jesus! The both of you follow it! I already wasn’t posting it so Doc wouldn’t kill me. Now I’m hella not posting it because Natasha would do worse things. The recipe does give me some excellent ideas for other baking endeavors with similar profiles though.”

Jane quickly piped up, “Nope! Nuh-uh. If I can’t Science! in a lab then you can’t Science! in the kitchen. That’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair Janey-poo. You’re the one who decided to argue with me about coming to family breakfast, but if you behave today I will let you Science! in the kitchen with me tomorrow. I know you’ve been wanting to try some molecular gastronomy after we had the Iron Chef marathon last week.”

Jane gave in with an aggravated huff, “Fiiiiiine. I’m only doing this because you said I can do molecular gastronomy though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * the awesome kitchen aid [mixer](http://www.kitchenaid.com/shop/-%5BKSM8990ER%5D-403976/KSM8990ER/).

**Author's Note:**

> *Зима Солдат (Zima Soldat) - Winter Soldier


End file.
